East of Earwig

Last week I introduced the painful (to some) and painfully obvious (to me) concept that Lewes was best enjoyed by those living outside it.

I’d now like to expand my theory.

If I drive into Lewes, I can take advantage of three hours’ free parking at Tesco. That’s plenty enough time for a spot of shopping, a coffee, an almond croissant and a wander round the antique shops looking for any bargain that John Henty has missed. Yet if I lived in Lewes I’d need to check my local Controlled Parking Zone, buy a permit and then try to find a space within walking distance of my house. Chances are I’d end up with a folding bicycle in the boot of the car.

Not that I’m driving much at the moment. You see, I sold my car a couple of months ago – and that means I’m reliant on the number 28 bus.

Public transport is perfect for we out-of-towners. I accept that Lewesians may not want double-deckers hanging around outside Waitrose, thundering up the High Street and squeezing through the bottleneck. However, the system works nicely for the rest of us.

A £3 return offers door-to-door service from Ringmer to my chosen Lewes destination. That’s the same as just 90 minutes on-street parking but without the worry that someone might knock my door mirror off as they drive past. If I’m late I simply wait until the next bus and won’t be charged £50 for the privilege of peeling a plastic-wrapped penalty ticket off my windscreen.

Better still, as part of my bus trip I can claim a free newspaper. Admittedly it’s only ever the Metro, which is rather like a cut-down Daily Mail, but it’s still a free newspaper. You’ll be surprised how long you can sit in Caffe Nero if your empty coffee cup is hidden behind the showbiz section.

My only complaint about buses is the passengers. No, not you, sir. And not you, madam. It’s the others.

The woman who alternately sings and curses for no apparent reason. The guy wearing open-backed headphones who’s listening to an atonal cymbal symphony. The child who thinks kicking the back of my seat is more entertaining than Rastamouse.

What troubles me most is where they’re from. Surely they’re not Ringmer residents heading into Lewes? They must be Lewes people going home after visiting their country cousins.

I really hope that’s the case. Because if not, I might need to find somewhere to live at the other end of the bus route.

First published on vivalewes.com 12th July 2012: http://vivalewes.com/