Fair and square dancing

My childhood was predominantly fictional. I spent much of the time with my nose in books, many of them sci-fi. This led me to the world of Ray Bradbury, whose stories told of travelling fairs with fantastical sideshows. Tattooed torsos. Halls of Mirrors. Running away to join the carnival. I don't mind admitting I was a little scared, even though my experience of fairs had been limited to the 'win a goldfish in a bag' variety. As an adult, I discovered a novel by Amanda Davis called 'Wonder When You'll Miss Me'. Again there was a travelling fair, there was running away and there was an element of other-worldliness. I read it with the same apprehension and excitement I'd previously reserved for Mr Bradbury.

The recent arrival of the fair in Ringmer reawakened all these memories. Although our resident teenager reckons he's now too old for bumper cars (this is untrue; the only limit is whether you can squeeze your bottom into the seat), I couldn't help making a detour past the village green where the fair was. There were a few surprises. As well as candy floss and those death-defying and gravity-enhancing rides that force all your organs into the space usually occupied by your lungs, there were bouncy castles. Yes, bouncy castles. I can't imagine many people having a dream of running off to inflate bouncy castles every night. Where was Lydia, the tattooed lady?

Probably at the barn dance with her children. That's where I was. If Ringmer were a fictional village in a soap opera, the coincidence of the fair arriving and a barn dance taking place would seem implausible. But that's how we roll.

I reckon about a hundred people turned up to raise funds for one of the local schools. Unlike lesser events, this one was held in a real barn, served a real hog roast at half-time and had a real band. The caller was identified by Mrs B as a former music teacher - "the girls were a bit scared of her at school" - and she'd clearly not lost any of that authority. When she said "dance", you danced.

Still, it was all good fun. Even I enjoyed a do-si-do - and I have two self-conscious tone-deaf left feet.

As we walked home from the hoedown, the sound of pop music playing at the fair drifted towards us. From Billy Ray Cyrus to Miley Cyrus, I thought. I wondered about a last-minute dodgem car ride but decided my last pint of Harveys had made that unadvisable. Anyway, I didn't want to run away and join the fair anymore. I wanted to join a barn dance band instead.

First published on vivalewes.com 3rd October 2013: http://www.vivalewes.com/fair-and-square-dancing/